


Two-hundred Ninety-eight Thousand and Sixty-eight Arabian Nights.

by Pups_Side_Box (Puppyinabox)



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Electrocution, Flirting, M/M, More tags to be added, Obligatory awkward horse ride, Outlander AU, Rating May Change, Scars, Sharing a Bed, Time Travel, Time Travel AU, Trans Male Character, Transgender Male Character, Yeah I know..., colin robinson claps when planes land, guillermo is deeply unwell to be honest, guillermo touches a weird brick and gets electrocuted and sent to the 13th century, ornate Turkish bath, trans!guillermo de la cruz
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:47:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27733288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puppyinabox/pseuds/Pups_Side_Box
Summary: the title is a reference to 1001 arabian nights but its how far in time Guillermo got sent back.it's an outlander au written by someone who has never once consumed outlander but I like the concept.  oh to time travel back in time and meet a handsome man and I am also a man but I am transthis is purely self indulgent bullshit im slapping together.enjoy.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz & Nandor the Relentless, Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless
Comments: 11
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

“I’ll be fine mama, it’s a student trip. It’s not like we’re going to a war zone.”

“You can’t blame me for worrying, mijo…”

“I’m gonna have friends with me all the time. It’ll be ok.” Guillermo looked over his shoulder at where his student group had gathered near their gate at the airport.

“Ok… te quiero, mi angelito.” They hugged tightly. He’d never been as far away from her for as long as the trip planned. But he was still so excited, a chance to visit historical sites and see the world for school was something he wasn't going to pass up.

“I love you too.” He said, muffled by her sweater. They double checked that she had the contact info for both the hotel they would be staying at and the professor heading the trip, and Guillermo left.

Guillermo half jogged over to his groups, triple checking he had his passport and paperwork. 

“Hey guys, sorry about that-“

“It’s fine dude, she’s your mom,” Claude smiled,

“Your mom worried about you getting hate crimed in Istanbul?” Jeremy half joked, adjusting the shoulder strap on his bag,

“Well it’s no constantinople…” guillermo joked back, laughing nervously, “but uh, I mean she is worried, y’know, traveling far and all, that's how moms are. Can’t say I’m not… well I’m not the picture of calm.”

“Want a Xanax?” Shanice rummaged in her bag, the sound of many different little items rattling around in her bag.

“Is that even legal?” Jenna balked,

“I’m fine, thanks though.”

Guillermo flinched through the TSA pat down, unsure of where to put his hands or whether or not he’d have to explain his packer. Ultimately he didn't have to explain, and was let through. Jenna grimaced back to him, having already gone through processing, and patted his shoulder when he was done.

“It is what it is, y’know?”

“Yeah.” she nodded over to the rest of the group and they joined them,

Guillermo managed to sleep through a time zone and a half of the flight but was awake for the rest of it, even though he was very aware he would feel horribly out of time and pace with the others because of it. At one point in the flight Guillermo glanced over at Jeremy, he was sat away from most of the rest of the group, weight distribution and all with planes, and he was fast asleep, even as the bald guy next to him kept talking his ear off. Guillermo felt the instinct to look away from this guy, his eyes feeling drier and more tired the longer he watched. 

When they landed the guy next to Jeremy clapped. He was the only one that clapped. Guillermo and Claude shared a grimace and waited for him to leave to wake Jeremy. Shaking him awake felt like trying to move a corpse, and when he woke up he clearly had gained no energy from his sleep. The group had to support him as they left the plane, he got his bearings again about five minutes later. 

Guillermo suppressed his flinching as the group passed through customs, relieved to avoid any kind of scrutinous looks. A bus chartered by the tour company that was partnered with their college drove them to the hotel, where the time change finally caught up to Guillermo and he passed out. Jeremy, who was rooming with him, was the one to shake him awake the next afternoon,

“Hey, the tour guide for the art history students is here, something about architecture, I just got back from the pottery masterclass.”

“Shit- ok, let me, let me get dressed and stuff.”

“Ok, jenna said they’d wait for you.”

“Cool,”

“You didn’t shave,” Jenna commented, everything looked grey under the overcast sky.

“Give me a break. I was awake for like twenty seven hours yesterday… today? Before I took a nap.” He looked up, “think it’ll rain?”

“Don’t think so, but you never know. Are you sure about coming along then, you can sit this one out if you need to.”

“I’m alright,” he waved her off as they got onto the shuttle bus.

“Today we’re coming upon what used to be the city walls of constantinople that formerly belonged to byzantine empire before the ottoman’s sacked the city and conquered the surrounding area.” The tour guide explained, gesturing as they walked along the block. “Those of you here for the art history portion of the tour may take a moment to sketch the area while the world history group and I explore the inner parts of the city walls.”

Guillermo and his peers gave a nod before each of them wandered off. Guillermo walked along the wall, examining the small workers marks and wear of history before he would sketch the wall as a whole. He came upon a brick with Persian inscription. He tore out a page of his notebook to take a negative tracing of the etching. His pencil scrapped across the paper, catching on the out cropped characters. Once he was satisfied with it he pulled the paper back and pocketed it. With a sigh he ran his fingertips over the stone.

Electricity shot through his fingers, up his arm, and across the side of his head. He screamed, but all he heard was the arcing electricity, and he fell to the ground unconscious.

When he woke up the first thing he noticed was his head throbbed, and the sun beating down on his face. He sat up and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his wrists and winced. He looked and there was a branching scar on the back of his hand, he moved his sleeve to find it branched up his arm and out of the line of sight he could see, so he assumed it branched even higher. Next he heard screaming, and metal clattering together. He looked around.

Carnage surrounded him on all sides, soldiers in gleaming armor clattered against each other. A man on a horse swung the severed head of another man, seemingly an enemy soldier, by his hair around in the air. 

Guillermo scrambled to his feet, looking around. The tour group was gone, he wondered briefly how long he’d been passed out, maybe a battle reenactment group had begun and they hadn’t thought to wake him. As he stood a man, the man who’d been swinging the upsettingly realistic severed head, saw him. They locked eyes. He pointed to him with his sword and yelled in a language he didn't recognise. Guillermo dug around through his bag and found his translation book,

“Uh- mer- mer-ha-... merhab-“ he brought his hand up to wave but was quickly grabbed by that hand and thrown onto the horse of the man who’d yelled at him- “bah-“

“Um- sir I-... do you speak any english?” Guillermo asked as he bounced haphazardly on the back of the man’s horse. 

The man said nothing and continued on. Guillermo sighed and rolled his eyes,

“Habla español, señor?” Guillermo tried. The man turned his head,

“اهل اسپانیا هستید؟” the man asked,

“Uh-“ guillermo said, a rather universal noise of confusion,

“E-“ the man growled, “erres de espana?”

“Ah- n- no, pues-“

“Ghablas langua de espana?” The man asked, the gh making a low guttural throat noise that partially confused guillermo, but he relatively understood what he meant”

“Uh- s-si?”

The man hummed, and rode on. As guillermo gathered his bearings and looked around he found nothing seemed right about the area. The road was not properly paved, as if it never was even paved in the first place. He tugged on the man’s sleeve, his hand coming away sticky. He smelled the liquid on his hand. Blood.

“Oh god-“ he said softly. The man laughed, having seemed to partially understand.

“Eh- d- donde estamos?”

The man laughed and answered in Spanish, “the previously great city of Constantinople, now the property of the great Nandor, king of alquonodar!”

“Nandor the relentless?” Guillermo gasped,

“So you’ve heard of me then, peasant?” Nandor, or rather the man playing nandor, laughed triumphantly.

Guillermo frowned, “yeah I’ve- I’ve read about you.” This guy must have been dedicated to role play.  
“Drop the act, man…” guillermo groaned, managing to sit up on the back of the horse,

“What on earth are you referring to?” “Nandor” frowned

“The whole ottoman soldier thing. What’s your real name?”

“My name is nandor!” The man shouted. Guillermo hadn’t paid attention to where they were going, but he once again looked around and noticed the buildings werent the same, the buildings that had kept the old facades were the same but even more buildings shared that old facade.

“W-“ guillermo stammered for the right question, “what’s the date?”

“The ninth of Sha`ban.” Nandor answered over his shoulder.

“Cool- cool um….”

“No the cool days have passed, you lovely little charlton!” The man- nandor seemed to have a fond tone as he mocked guillermo,

“Um- and… what’s the year?”

“600? Did you hit your head that badly, Spaniard?” Nandor laughed again

“I’m not- what do you mean 600?” 

“Do you Spaniards follow different years?”

“Em- ok wait- the sacking of constantinople was in… fuck-“ Guillermo’s hands shook as he fiddled with them, 

“Profanity!” Nandor chastised

“You- whatever… that’s… that was 1453.. but- it can’t be-“

“What can it be, Spaniard?” 

“I’m not a damn Spaniard! Ugh- just- Jesus… Jesus Christ.”

“Christian Spaniard!” Nandor chuckled, “and such a pretty one at that… I think I will keep you.”

“Keep me?” Guillermo smacked his arm and again his hand came back bloodied. Thats when it fully dawned on him, the gravity of it all. “I-“

“Such a lack of discipline!” Nandor stopped the horse, they were in front of the smoldering remains of what was likely an inn, he yanked guillermo off of the horse and gripped his wrists, “but surely I can change that.”

“Get your hands off of me!” Guillermo wrenched his hands back and dug his heels into the ground.

“It’s that or death. Christian Spaniard.” Nandor threatened, gesturing with his sword.

“I’m not- fucking-“ guillermo balled his fists tightly and sighed, “ok… ok I’ll come with you. Just dont… I’m not coming to be your- your what?”

“Concubine hopefully.” Nandor’s eyes flitted over Guillermo’s body,

Guillermo tensed in shock, “well- yeah no.”

“No?”

“No… um- we can… negotiate this.”

“Ok, I have a sword, say no to me and I’ll kill you!” Nandor smiled, as if he’d solved some kind of vexing puzzle.

“Uh- no- no king would be so crass!” Guillermo stepped back, his hands out in front of him

“Well…”

“C’mon..” guillermo grinned nervously, tugging at that thread for his bargaining, “what king would- would have such a fit over someone… someone like me?”

“This is true you are a mere peasant…” nandor stroked his beard in thought, “you will come to live with me, as your city is now in ruin.” Nandor gestured to the city behind them, now filled with screams and flames, “and we will… we shall discuss the concubine matter another time!” Nandor grinned.

“O-ok. Ok yeah… yeah that works.” Guillermo sighed.

“Well… now that we’ve come to an agreement Spaniard-“

“My name- um… my name’s Guillermo. Guillermo de la Cruz.” Guillermo stretched out his hand for a handshake, then hesitated, wondering if he would know what it meant.

Nandor clasped his hand and laughed, “Nandor, the relentless, and the one and only.”

“Ch-charmed…”

“Of course you are.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two, pretty dialog heavy but a bit shorter.

The rest of the horse ride was extremely uncomfortable, guillermo tried to keep his distance from Nandor while still keeping his hold on him so he didn’t fall off of the horse. Eventually they came to a bustling city, alive with people haggling and carrying their things. It all looked like a scene out of a historical movie, and the people all parted ways for Nandor, even children playing around in the street.

“Where are we now?” Guillermo asked, looking around,

“Bursa, the city I’ve made my stay as my men lay claim to constantinople.” Nandor frowned, “I much prefer staying at the frontlines, more action there, however of course one of my wives got all upset-“ he took on a mocking falsetto voice- “oh nandor dont go get murdered, you’re nearly in your thirties!” His voice returned to normal, “she doubts me, but it is fine.” He grinned over his shoulder, “the spoils of war are worth it.”

“Hey- w-we talked about this.” Guillermo scowled, “remember?”

“Eehhhh right yes of course! So fussy…” nandor shook his head and chuckled, “perhaps she is right, maybe i- no…” he trailed off as they stopped in front of an elaborate building, “this is where we stay until we leave for my palace.”

“Oh- right… of course.” Guillermo got off of the horse and followed nandor. He realized then all he had was the stuff in his bag and in his pocket. He checked the date on his phone, which somehow still had charge,  
“What the fu- huh… I- don’t know what I expected…” the date was correct to the day after the siege of Constantinople, down to the day. He quickly pocketed his phone before anyone could see and followed nandor into the building.

“Our room is down this way. Servant! Yes, ye- yes you there. Take my companion’s things, they look heavy…”

“N-no, no I’d like to keep my things.” Guillermo winced, holding his backpack straps tightly.

“Ok…” nandor made a confused face, “well anyway…”

“So um…” Guillermo rushed to keep up with Nandor’s broad steps, “wh-...”

“Tell me about yourself, guillermo.”

“Um… ok well… I’m from… somewhere far away, really far, and so- oh god…” guillermo wrapped his arms around himself, Nandor rested a hand on his shoulder and squeezed,

“It is ok… you will get over it.” Nandor smiled,

“Ugh- ok um-“ guillermo sighed, “I- I’m a student…”

“A scholar!” Nandor clapped his hands as they reached their room. He ran at a pile of pillows and flopped down, gesturing for guillermo to do the same. He sat with his legs crossed and his hands folded in his lap,

“Yes um- I study art history… primarily my focus is uh-“ Aztec art… shit… “ancient artifacts of my people…” he decided was a good enough description.

“Ah… a passion for the arts.” Nandor placed a hand on Guillermo’s knee, “a keen eyes as well i assume?”

Guillermo remembered his contacts, shit. He quickly rummaged through his bag to check that his glasses were ok, sure enough they were, “y-yeah, yeah most of the time.”

“I see… I should have known, your hands are too soft to be those of a peasant or a slave… not even the most pampered of concubines I’ve known have smelled so sweetly of foreign fruits.”

Guava shampoo, but ok… “uh- thank you…” guillermo moved Nandor’s hand away from his knee, “to put myself through school I worked um- I worked as a baker for a long while…”

Nandor hummed and leaned back, his eyes closed. Guillermo frowned,

“If I’m boring you I can go, right?” Nandor chuckled at what he said,

“Go where, man of the cross?” Nandor flicked an eye open to give him a look then shut it again, “even if you are not from constantinople, you said it yourself, you’re so far from home…” there was a threatening edge to his voice as he spoke, 

“I… I guess…. y’know I think I’m actually handling this pretty well.” Guillermo glared,

“Oh you most certainly are, clever little peach…”

“Stop calling me that. It’s guillermo.”

“Yes yes of course…” nandor aid dismissively.

“You’re… I don’t like you.”

“You’ll learn to love me soon enough.” Nandor smirked, still laying with his eyes closed, “but you should rest… and I will have someone look at the burn on your face and arm…”

“It’s… it’s on my face?”

Nandor sat up and looked at him, “oh…” he sighed, “yes. Did you not know this?”

“No I… I cant really feel it…”. He flinched when nandor cupped his cheek, but allowed the touch besides that. It was a seemingly uncharacteristic softness from the conqueror,

“It doesn’t hurt?”

“No… it hurt for… it hurt when i got it but… not anymore.”

Nandor hummed, “it looks like… vines…. beautiful.” And there was no mockery to his tone, no lusty joke to it. All Guillermo could hear was awe.

“Oh… thanks, um…” he rested his hand against the back of Nandor’s 

“You… should really see yourself… here.” Nandor unclamped a piece of armor from his forearm and took a pillow to wipe it clean of blood and grime. He handed guillermo the partially polished piece of armor.

In his reflection guillemro saw the branching scar across his cheek that stopped short of his eye. If it had reached his eye he surely would have been blinded in at least that one, maybe even the other. He touched his fingertips to the scar and remembered the shock. 

“Wait!” Guillermo rummaged through his pocket to find the scrap of paper he’d used to take a copy of the etching on the brick, “can you- can you read this?”

Nandor took the note and examined it with a frown, “no, I am afraid not… but I likely have an advisor or priest at home that may be able to… why?”

“N-nothing just… it’s very important to me. That I know what it means.”

“I see…”

“Yeah…” guillermo took the note back and shoved it in his pocket, hoping the graphite didn’t smudge from it.

“So odd… a strange little man with nothing but a lightning scar, a bag, and a strange letter…. fascinating.”

“It’s certainly confusing…” Guillermo admitted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos guys it’s very encouraging!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK it’s been a while, sorry.

Nandor sighed and gestured to guillermo, “you don’t have to sit like that you know, you can relax if you’d like.”

“Uh, ok.” Guillermo sighed heavily and slouched. Only then did he remember his binder. He had a looser shirt in his bag, and he probably should be taking it off soon since he slept in it at the hotel. “Shit- um… can I- can I maybe bathe actually? Is- would I be able to do that here?”

“Ah, yes of course. All amenities…” Nandor looked guillermo over, “the finest fragrant oils you may want.”

“I’m- I’m good… just… just gonna-“ he stood and picked up his bag, looking around, “um- where-“

“This way, follow me.” Nandor put a hand on Guillermo’s arm then led him down a few turning halls. They came to a large room with a high ceiling. The walls were covered in elaborate blue tiles in spectacular geometric patterns. The ceiling opened, allowing the golden late afternoon sun into the room, causing the water, which sat in a pool in the center of the room, to shine a lovely emerald green. Guillermo shrugged his backpack off and set it onto a bench by the pool.

“I have this entire bath to myself.” Nandor said, as if to boast. Guillemro then remembered that this was a sign of wealth, privacy being a privilege he’d long taken for granted. 

“It’s beautiful.” He said, examining the architecture of the room. He once again couldn't help but run his fingertips along the tile wall,

“Thank you…” Nandor watched him, quiet for a moment. Then he sighed, “well you may undress there, I can have a servant watch your things and wash your hair.”

“Oh- no! No it’s alright. I- I’d prefer um… I’d prefer to wash myself… alone if- if that’s alright.”

Nandor raised an eyebrow but nodded, “rather fussy for a peasant, aren't you…”

“I’m not- we have different standards where I come from, it seems.”

Nandor nodded curtly, “it seems that way… very well.” Nandor turned and walked away, “you may find the things you will need to wash yourself in that room on the shelves. Use whatever you may need.

Guillermo nodded, though nandor was already walking away, and began to look through his bag when he was convinced he wasn't being watched. He wondered if using his soap would have any detrimental effects on history, or if it would be alright. He decided to opt for the things Nandor had offered but still use his own deodorant, sparingly of course, wanting to conserve as long until he got back. 

How was he going to even get back though, and how did he get there in the first place? He’d been on the architecture tour, outside the wall at Istanbul. There was the inscription. That was all he really had, so he had to stay with Nandor until he could figure out what it meant. Maybe he was lucky it was Nandor who took him, he was wealthy, meaning he had far more access to the materials Guillermo would need to even figure out IF he could get home. But Nandor was a conqueror, a warrior, and historically a cruel and strict leader.

But then again the man he’d met… he was strict enough, a bit at least. He liked having things his way and knew how to be scary, but most of the time he just seemed… a bit dumb.

Guillermo took off his sweater, then the shirt he had underneath, and pried off his binder. He rolled his shoulders and breathed deeply once it was off. Once undressed he got into the pool, expecting it to be cold. It was actually rather nice, likely warmed from underneath the floor of the pool with hot coals. He sighed and rubbed his shoulder, a tense knot of muscle having formed. He felt wrung out, but despite his stress at being seen naked in a place such as that he managed to relax for a moment. Maybe it was the way the gold light poured into the wide open room and hit the colorful blue tiles. The water and the tiles mingling together to cause a spectacle of light that danced on Guillermo’s outstretched arms and legs. He breathed in deeply then held his breath and submerged himself underwater.

The mosaic designs on the ceiling were blurred from beneath the water, Guillermo against his better judgement opened his eyes in the water to see them fuzzy and soft. He stayed underneath the water looking up until his eyes stung, then he shut them and stayed below until he felt the ever familiar burning in his lungs.   
When he was young, too young to understand what was “wrong” with him but old enough to feel something was amiss, he used to hold his breath until he felt that, it wasn’t calming at all, but it made his body match his mind, as much as it could then. Easing the sense of dysphoria and disconnect by at least forcing his heart to race along with his brain, matching its steps. He’d grown to like the feeling, or rather the feeling he got when he finally did breathe. It was a reminder of his life, just as the burning in his lungs was a reminder he, like everyone else, will die.

Momento mori. Momento vivere.

That had become his chant when he prayed as a child, quite morbid for only eight, but there was already a morbid tendril that curled along the folds of his brain. Momento mori, remember you will die. Remember you must die. Momento vivere, remember you to live. Remember you must live.

Guillermo pulled himself out of the water, gasping for breath. Part of him had hoped he’d open his eyes to find himself in the hotel bathtub, back where he should be, but the sun had slipped below the horizon, yet still colored the evening sky a haunting grey, the ghost of the golden hour. The air above the water was cold.

“Twilight” Guillermo scoffed softly. He got out of the water and carded his fingers through his hair, then gave it a quick and harsh ruffle in an attempt to shake off some of the water. Guillermo smiled to himself, glad that he’d thought to pack a towel in his carryon backpack, as now the contents of that bag were all he had with him that he owned. He quickly dried off and got dressed before anyone would come in. 

As he stepped out he noticed two guards stood in the doorway, as if protecting his privacy. He nodded to them awkwardly as he walked past, then turned,

“H- hey um- where should I-“

One guard responded, slightly haltingly in Spanish,

“Uh- he called for you to the room you share.”

“Who…. never mind- thank you.”

The guard nodded, seemingly far more comfortable once the conversation was over. Guillermo grimaced and followed where the guard had gestured. Guillermo returned to the room, quiet on his bare feet. Nandor seemingly had not heard him as when Guillermo came in he was still fussily fluffing pillows. The only word to describe it properly was nesting, and obsessively at that. Guillermo cleared his throat and he jumped, 

“Ah! Hello! Fresh I see.” Nandor grinned, his hands clasped behind his back,

“Yeah… so um… are we sharing?” Guillermo gestured to the bed covered in pillows and sheets. It was probably large enough for four people if they spooned so Guillermo wasn’t super anxious but he still had his trepidation.

“Aha-...” nandor laughed nervously and trailed off. At first the alight felt oddly like a piece of ice lodging itself in Guillermo’s solar plexus, but he soon noticed the nervous look on nandor’s face,

“Oh- we don’t- I can sleep on the floor with some of-“

“No! No just… well I can simply kill you if you tell anyone but I’m actually not super into the whole ‘spoils of war bedmate’ thing I think we should get to know eachother and-“

That’s when Guillermo’s brain finally snapped. He began to laugh hysterically. It was all just too much. He was stuck back in time, or maybe dead? Maybe in a coma? And what this guy he’d read about, famous for his reign of tyranny, for his escapades pillaging lands, was just nervously explaining why he doesn’t want to screw on the first night. He’d just bathed with ancient scented oils in an ornate tile baths, some of the sheets had gold thread in them! 

“Sorry- sorry… I’m not.” Guillermo caught his breath, “I’m not laught at you I just- what the fuck?!”

“I do not understand the question-“

“I’m just… very very tired.”

“I see, well if you want we can just cuddle” nandor said, seemingly released. Guillermo laughed, genuinely and without an air of mania this time, “yeah… yeah sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Momento mori: Latin, direct translation: remember you die(command form)
> 
> Momento vivere: Latin, direct translation: remember you live(command form)


End file.
